When I was younger, there was one thing that really bothered me that didn't seem to bother other guys as much. I hardly went to a new seminary class without the teacher, at one point or another, saying something demeaning about guys. And it wasn't just seminary. Any place I went, whether it be at school or among family or friends, or even on TV, someone always had to say something about guys being dumb, lazy, or unrighteous. The men did it to appear more humble and open-minded, even when there were no women present. On sitcoms the father was always the dumb one, without exception. In Junior High School, wherever there was a little boyfriend who wanted to break up, there was a little girlfriend who went around saying "boys are dumb."
Once, in 9th-grade seminary, we had a lesson that I'll never forget. I walked into class, and the teacher had all the guys sit on one side of the room and the girls on the other side, since that was the day we were going to talk about men's and women's roles in a family. On the board was written the words "___ are stronger. ___ are smarter," and we were supposed to fill in the blanks on a piece of paper and put it in a bowl in the front of the room. As you would expect, most of the students put "Men are stronger. Women are smarter." At another point in the lesson, the teacher asked what we thought Paul meant when he said that the man is the head of the woman. Most people said something about how the woman is actually better, or they used the unscriptural analogy that the woman is the neck, or anything other than just taking the scripture at face value. A little later, the teacher had the girls stand and recite the young women's values, and then had us recite any one of the things we had memorized, in order to show that we just weren't as smart or diligent. I also had another seminary teacher who said "let's drive this home early on." He had the girls recite a scripture, had us recite the same scripture, and pointed out our mistakes to make it look like the girls did a better job.
That's just the beginning of it. I absolutely hated it every moment out of a girls lips escaped the words "boys are so dumb," right in front of me. And sometimes they'd apologize "Oh I don't mean you, I just mean boys in general." Much better. Why weren't other guys seeing this? If one person ever dared say something like that about girls, there would be a societal outrage. So why was this okay? Yet I heard that kind of talk coming from all directions, at least once every few days.
I began to be really sensitive every time someone said anything to compare males with females. I instantly assumed they were saying that guys are dumb, lazy, or unrighteous. Often that was what they meant, but sometimes it wasn't. I took on this belief that the only difference between men and women were a few body parts, nothing more.
In short, I was making myself a victim. I felt like there was a big problem with society, and that it needed to change so that I wouldn't have to get offended so often. But it turns out, the problem wasn't with society. The problem was with me. People are free to say what they want, and I'm free to disagree and move on with my life. I'm free to marry a girl that actually respects me, trusts me, and thinks highly of me. I'm free to teach my sons what they're capable of and what it means to be a man. And being a man does not mean playing victim all the time, or blaming others for your problems.
These days, we live in a society of opinion crimes and offended victims. I'm embarrassed that I ever thought myself a victim because of things people said about men. And how did I ever think that there was no fundamental difference between men and women? When people allow themselves to be full of anger or hatred, they say some funny things.
When people insult us, it's natural to feel a little resentment. But we're not in this alone. With a little common sense, a dash of humility, and an open heart, we can pray and ask Heavenly Father for help. Our powerful, merciful Savior is willing to forgive us and heal us. As Elder Bednar once said, "Through the strengthening power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, you and I can be blessed to avoid and triumph over offense."
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